I would have thought
That time passing would
Fade my memory, that
I would shrug and
Let bygones, you know
But instead I google his name,
Track his whereabouts, stalk him on the internet
He is married, lives in Arizona
I am tempted to email his wife.
I found a photo of him from 1962
He is standing with his lacrosse team
Looking beautiful
I remember seeing him that first time
I remember when I fell in love
And I remember when I gave myself into his rapist pimping
Blackmailing hands.
Oh my god, I was so stupid
I remember every moment of that gangbang night
And now, almost 60 years after the event
My anger is still
Vivid and hot.
I still want revenge
Somethings I have to forgive over and over… each time I think of them it required forgiving once again so I can survive and find peace.