I am scared

Of that new virus

Because when the pundits say

Don’t worry, it’s only killing old people

And sick people

Well, guess who they are talking about.

I am the perfect demographic for death

As a consequence

I am stocking up on emergency rations

Water bottles

And prescription medicine

So I don’t have to leave the house

Which will be my bulwark against disease

Forget going to the gym

Nix on the supermarket

I will wallow in solitude until death passes me by.

Famous last words.