When I was a freshman in southern parts

Rebellious, artful and lonely bad girl

Anxiously seeking men’s admiring hearts

Bouncing with wildness and head all awhirl

The Dean called me in and stared cold at me

Madam, she said, you are mentally flawed

We have a head doctor that you must see

To cure your disease, you lazy damn bawd.

I met with the doctor, bound to be true

Stated my story, my search for real love

He said, it is plain what is wrong with you

You have penis envy, says Freud from above.

Despite my problem the school kicked me out

Sent me back home where I worked out my fate

But that southern college still gives a shout

Remember us well when you plan your estate.