When I was a freshman in southern parts
Rebellious, artful and lonely bad girl
Anxiously seeking men’s admiring hearts
Bouncing with wildness and head all awhirl
The Dean called me in and stared cold at me
Madam, she said, you are mentally flawed
We have a head doctor that you must see
To cure your disease, you lazy damn bawd.
I met with the doctor, bound to be true
Stated my story, my search for real love
He said, it is plain what is wrong with you
You have penis envy, says Freud from above.
Despite my problem the school kicked me out
Sent me back home where I worked out my fate
But that southern college still gives a shout
Remember us well when you plan your estate.